When you’re a special needs mom, friendships take on a whole new meaning. They can be the lifeline that gets you through the day. They can be the voice of hope when your own family doesn’t support you.
But being a special needs mom can really test friendships, too. Especially when you feel consumed on a day to day basis. It’s the tapestry of your conversations. It has to be because you breath it every single day.
You can’t sit around and talk about the weather because you have REAL things going on in your life. Real big things. Things that keep you up at night because you worry about how your child is going to function as an adult. Things that can make you feel nauseous during the day because you’re wondering what will bring on your child’s next meltdown.
That’s why, when you find smart, funny, engaging women, you want to hold on to them as friends. Despite the fact that you don’t pick up the phone for just a chat. Despite the fact that you can’t always be breezy (even though you wish you could). Despite the fact you want to make weekend plans as families but the unpredictability of how your kiddo will be stops you.
I have been fortunate to find some of those amazing women. And I also have picked up a frenemy along the way, too.
Frenemy, you say? Oh yes. a woman who seems supportive and smiles at you while silently sighs the moment you bring up anything connected to what’s going on with your child. A woman who always have an excuse why your sons can’t get together to have a play date. A woman who just eventually leaves you out of group gatherings. A woman who is so subtle about it, she makes you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
But eventually you realize it’s not all in your head. You know what else you eventually realize? That this woman is a frenemy. A person who is cordial or friendly, but she’s not really your friend.
When you’re in the presence of a friend, you feel empowered. When you’re in the presence of a friend, you are allowed to show your vulnerabilities without being judged. When you’re in the presence of a friend, you feel like you can just be yourself — your freaked out, introverted, sarcastic and goofy self.
I have a frenemy. One who I’ve known is a frenemy for quite some time, but I didn’t finally give her the official label until recently. Why the change in status?I want to invest in friendships with women who value me as much as I do them. Click To Tweet
As I travel down this road as a special needs mom, I get more and more selfish. Selfish with my time, selfish with my energy and selfish with who I choose to invest in. I want to invest in friendships with women who value me as much as I do them.
Do I think my frenemy is a bad person? No. Not in the least. But it doesn’t change how our relationship has evolved. And it doesn’t change the fact that I’m done. Period.
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